#67: Typical Webcomic Liberal Bias

by fuzzyfive on May 25th, 2011
Posted In: Comic

From: OMSU Office of Career Services
To: Enrolled Students
Subject: Remaining Open Internships, Summer 2011

Dear Students,

As the maintenance crew relocates the graduation tent for use as freshman housing and the rising scent of old Chinese food reminds us of the compost heap next to the softball field, our thoughts turn to summer. 

Many of you already have jobs.  Some have the family connections to get placed in a Congressional office.  Others go off to the salmon canneries to make beer money (and maybe some tuition) for the next semester.  Though I shouldn’t be all that surprised anymore, a surprisingly large number of you are taking remedial classes here on campus.

However, judging by the volume of students coming through my doors, a lot of you still need something to do.  The following are listings for internships that are still available at this late date.  If you are interested in any of these, please email the career office.

1. Social Media Director, McGuffin Coal Company

Location:Beckley, WV
Pay: $7.45 an hour, payable in anthracite coal
Description: Energy industry concern is seeking a young, plugged-in intern to help with our newly-launched “Mountaintops Suck” campaign to swing public opinion on certain mining practices. Use The Twitter, The Facebook, The MySpace and The Foursquare to remind the youth of today that verdant mountainsides and winding streams are useless for playing baseball, holding rap concerts and a variety of other activities the kids today seem to be so wild about.

2. Receptionist, Law Offices of Anastasia Button

Location:Fluffton Heights
Pay: Unpaid
Description: Learn about contract and real estate law from an up-and-coming firm the American Lawyers’ Guide glowingly calls “currently accepting clients.”  Intern must be male, over 18, fit, eyes you could lose yourself in, discreet and occasionally free after work.  Complimentary breakfast.

3. Editorial Assistant, Expressions Magazine Group

Location: Davenport, IA
Pay: Unpaid
Description: We are seeking a college intern who is interested in journalism.  Expressions magazine is an exciting magazine dedicated to the adult incontinence lifestyle and features articles about how people of all ages can live full, energetic lives without being able to control one’s excretory functions.  Must have strong writing skills and weak sense of smell.