Rizlozky’s Maritime Security
P.O. Box 75397
Wiig-el, Djibouti
phone: +237-(34)-346-86-39-27-9999-1 ext. 149

December 15, 2010

Dear Nina Jr.,

Thank you for your recent letter proposing changes to our anti-piracy operations in the Horn of Africa.  Though we have been involved with protecting merchant vessels in this part of the world for several years, we never considered hiring sentient marine mammals to puncture pirate rafts with their horns.

In fact, we didn’t know that some marine mammals had front-facing horns in the first place! Don’t even narwhals look in the mirror once in a while and just say “seriously?”


We are always looking for new ways to fight pirates on the high seas and using a saltwater creature with a big horn on her head seems as good a way as any.  If you still want to be a mercenary and your concurrent CIA application does not pan out and you haven’t been kidnapped by some evil organization, please call me so we can arrange an interview and background check.

Irwin Rizlozky, CEO