From OMSU Department of Residential Life Residents’ Residential Rulebook for Residents, p. 37

Visitor Policy

The Ominous Mountain State University Department of Residential Life allows students living in our dormitories to have visitors.  Sometimes all a student needs to stay on the straight and narrow and finish out the semester is to see their burnout friend show up in a Foot Locker uniform complaining about how his baby mama is always comparing him unfavorably to the baby daddies on Teen Mom III: America’s Most Fertile Rednecks.  Still, we have to have some rules, lest those walking cautionary tales camp out in the common areas until they “get around to” fixing the leak in the roof of their doublewide.  Our dorms aren’t hotels, gosh darn it! If they were, they’d smell better, for starters.

Without further adieu, the rules:

  • If your guest stays for more than three nights, he or she automatically becomes the building superintendent.  Don’t ask how we can enforce this – we can.  Remember: More than three, clean debris (from the drains).
  • We’re working on a better slogan.
  • Your friend’s band: duos, trios and quartets are allowed, but not eight piece freeform jamming collectives.  Nobody wants to hear any song over eight minutes, nor do they want to smell anyone who plays songs over eight minutes.
  • No telling visiting pre-frosh that “it’s really much more wild just about any other weekend during the semester.”
  • No fat uncles named Jimmy, Tony or Bubba. From experience, they never understand why the showers are not for shaving back hair.
  • No pets.  Except puppies and kittens.  Who can say no to a cuddly-wuddly wittle puppy?  Who’s a good boy?  You are! You are!
  • No undead.  That includes vampires, zombies and Dick Clark.