The Complaint Box


Dear Sir,

I write to you with great displeasure at your treatment of my nationality. When I read the Fuzzy Five, I always read it out loud.  When I do, I give Nina Jr. a strong French accent. This comically overdrawn accent is offensive, as is the stereotype that all French women are aquatic mammals with large horns growing from their foreheads.

Jacques Henri de Lyon
Calais, France


Dear Fuzzy Five,

I enjoy your webcomic greatly and I think it is a shame that you are missing a major demographic. Every Monday and Wednesday, I read your strip to my 92-year-old grandmother, creatively using my descriptive skills to capture the spirit of your fine story. She, like many Americans, does not use the Internet. We tried getting her a computer for her 88th birthday, but she shorted out the motherboard with holy water when she thought it was possessed by an evil demon called “Mozilla.”

For the sake of my grandmother, please release the Fuzzy Five in print. Very, very large print. Preferably in the Lincoln Chronicle-Journal.

Nancy F.
Lincoln, NE


GREETINGS DR. OTTO VON CUDDLESBURGHER,

MY NAME IS SIR JONATHAN MAZUMBO AND I AM THE SON OF GENERAL CICERO MAZUMBO, MINISTER OF MINES AND APPETIZING FOR THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. YOU COME HIGHLY RECCOMENDED AS A RELIABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY CEPHALOPOD WHO CAN HELP ME WITH A LUCRATIVE BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY. CURRENTLY, MY FAMILY HAS US$23 MILLION IN A BANK ACCOUNT FOR WHICH WE NEED A RECIEVER IN UNITED STATES. IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR HELP, WE WILL GIVE YOU TEN PERCENT OF THE PROCEEDS. EMAIL ME BACK IF INTERESTED AT MAZUMBO292@YAHOO.COM.


Dear Fuzzy Five,

Tech Support Tiger is racist. I’m not sure why, but it must be.

George L.
Oakland, CA


Dear Fuzzy Five,

For Christmas, my mother sent me a Squishable Fox just like the character Spirit in your comic. For hours and hours, I sat with her and tried to convince her that I would not freak out if she talked to me. I left her with a pen and paper, but she could not even bring herself to write a note. Does Squishable send out foxes who hate their humans, or have you been lying about their ability to talk and get involved in improbable adventures? In either case, you are despicable and I will report you to your state Department of Consumer Protection. Just as soon as I figure out what state Fluffton is in.

Happy Valentine’s Day,

Michelle Q.
Lubbock, TX