The Waffletorium

37 E. College Avenue
Fluffton
555-3556

When describing the Waffletorium experience, my mind immediately turns to the classical theme this establishment has chosen for its name. What would Ovid have to say about a brightly lit 24-hour diner specializing in breakfast items? He would probably be fascinated with the unfamiliar New World foods, such as the potatoes.

In particular, he would be fascinated by the hash browns that peek out from under two hamburger patties, two cups of chili, four slices of American cheese product (also an exotic New World foodstuff), half an onion, julienned, six chicken wings and a single deviled egg in a dish is known far and wide as the Obesity Crisis. It’s by far the most food you can get for $8.99 and  the perfect dare for your 15-year-old brother (your mom may have made him come for move-in weekend to get him interested in going to college, but if he cleans his plate, he’ll be out of your hair until it’s time for the fam to go home).

A lesser reviewer would add that if you knew enough Latin to dare Ovid to eat an entire Obesity Crisis, he would soon ask you for directions to the vomitorium at Omega house.  I for one am sick of hearing people making tasteless eating disorder jokes about sorority girls under the guise of discussing a major contributor to the poetic canon.  It’s not funny.  Besides, I usually get an order of french toast with an extra bowl on the side so I can mix up butter, hot maple syrup and about three packets of sugar to create the perfect sweet topping – not exactly rabbit food!*  Aside from satisfying my sweet tooth, it allows me to run errands at a mindboggling clip on Saturday afternoons and then pass out in a sugar coma until it’s time to go out at night.

There is one down side: the waiters’ uniforms are wider than the aisles, leading to the occasional mess.  The “aspect ratio” of the uniforms is one … uhh… aspect of the place I would change.  Waffle sticks, perhaps?

*I can only assume that this metabolism will persist after college.  Why wouldn’t it?